Youth Sports, Playing Time, and Life

There is a question that every athlete, every parent, and every leader eventually asks: How do I get from here to there? In youth sports, that question often takes the form of playing time. Who plays? Who sits? Why? And what does that mean for life?

In the leadership courses I teach across the country, I often reference Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink. The principle is simple but life changing. Own everything in your world. Take responsibility for what you can control and stop wasting energy on what you cannot.

That truth is easy to talk about but hard to live. Pride and ego make it difficult to look in the mirror. Our culture makes it even harder. We are surrounded by finger pointing, excuses, and a constant flow of blame. But the fact remains: the only thing you can truly control is yourself.

The Problem with Youth Sports

After years of coaching youth sports, one thing has stood out. The kids are rarely the problem. It’s the parents. Too many adults take zero ownership. They blame the coach, the referees, the other kids, even the league. And when they do that, they teach their children to do the same thing.

The result? Entitlement. A generation of kids learning that if things don’t go their way, someone else is to blame. Sure, sometimes the coach makes a bad call or plays favorites. Sometimes the ref misses a call. But so what? That’s life. What are you going to do about it?

What You Can Control

If your child is not getting playing time, ask one question: What can we do to improve? Go to the gym. Work harder. Show up early. Stay late. Every coach I’ve known wants to win. If your kid is the best player, they will play. If not, it’s time to earn it.

The same principle applies to life. Maybe your boss doesn’t appreciate you. Maybe your spouse is distant. Maybe life just feels unfair. You can complain about it, or you can take control of what you can control. Be early. Be kind. Be consistent. Bring home flowers. Serve others. Every time you react to someone else’s behavior by lowering your own standards, you become them.

Chop Wood

There’s a phrase floating around today that I love: Chop wood. One hundred years ago, if you were angry and frustrated about being cold, you didn’t post about it online. You went out and chopped wood. You turned energy into action. The same is true now.

If your coach benches you, go chop wood. If your boss is unfair, chop wood. If life feels heavy, chop wood. Do the work. Every time you take action instead of complaining, you move one step closer to the person you are meant to be.

Small Moments, Big Lessons

Sometimes the lesson shows up in small moments. A checkout line at the grocery store. The clerk looks tired and short-tempered. You can meet that attitude with your own, or you can smile and ask how their day is going. I’ve found that a simple act of kindness changes people. Almost every time, their expression softens. Because everyone is carrying something.

You can infect the world with negativity, or you can transform it with gratitude. The choice is yours. The same lesson we want our kids to learn on the field is the one we should live out in life.

Own It

If you find yourself making excuses for others or using their shortcomings to justify your own, stop. That’s where true freedom begins. When you look in the mirror and admit that you are the problem, and that you can also be the solution, your world changes.

So, to every parent, coach, and player: own it. Don’t be the complainer. Don’t be the one blaming others. Be the one who lifts people up. Be the one who shows that character matters more than circumstance.

Because when you take ownership, you teach others to do the same. And that’s how both sports and life are meant to be played.

Check out the Youtube video below for the full reflection and stories! And please share this post and video with anyone you think might need to hear it! Our light can’t shine if you don’t share it!