Don’t Wait to Prioritize What Matters Most – Lessons From Training Police Chiefs

I was on the road again recently, the Seattle area first, then Phoenix. While in Phoenix, I spoke to about 50 law enforcement officers from across the state. At the start of almost every training I lead, whether it is leadership, mental fitness, or resilience, I ask the same question:

“What’s the one thing in your life you feel you most need to work on right now?”

It could be job-related, personal, at home, or any variety of things. But as usual, out of that room of 50 officers, roughly 70–80% gave some version of this answer:

“I need to spend more time with my family.”
“I need to improve my work-life balance.”
“I need to be better at transitioning home after work.”

This could be any group, no matter their profession. It’s a universal struggle.

Earlier this year, I spoke to a slightly different group: about 300 chiefs, assistant chiefs, and deputy chiefs from across a Midwestern state. Most of these were leaders near the end of their careers, many with grown children. I asked them to look back over their careers and answer one question:

“What’s one thing you wish you had done better—something you’d pass on to younger officers?”

Despite all the possible answers, three themes emerged:

1. Finances — “I wish I’d stayed out of debt.” “I wish I’d saved more.”

2. Health and Retirement Prep — “I wish I’d taken better care of myself physically and mentally so I could enjoy retirement.”

3. Family — “I wish I’d spent more time with my family.”

Here’s the striking part: the number-one answer wasn’t money or health. It was family. Roughly 80% of those chiefs said they wished they had kept family as a top priority. They had not managed work/life balance or the process of coming home as effectively as they had wished.

Think about that: a younger group openly saying they need to work on family time now, and an older group looking back wishing they had done exactly that. The message is clear: we know what matters most, but we’re not acting on it.

Some Things You Can’t Get Back

If you’re out of shape in your 50s, you can start exercising, eat better, and regain health. If your finances are off track, you can reduce expenses and save more. But lost time with your kids? A marriage neglected? You can’t go back and relive those years.

An officer once told me during a retreat, “Halfway through your talk I realized my daughter is 13, and I don’t remember any of it.” Those memories are gone forever.

Act Today, Not Someday

The lesson is simple but urgent: don’t wait. If you’re 20, don’t wait until you’re 30. If you’re 40, don’t wait until you’re 50. The longer you delay, the more those opportunities slip away until all that’s left is regret.

All you really have is today. So if you know there’s something you should be doing—spending time with your family, learning to transition home from work, practicing your faith—start now. Don’t let it roll around in your head year after year. Don’t make it the thing you someday wish you had done. Do it today.